i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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