Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
