so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im holly from the hills drunk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
