Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
