he puts the penis in happiness.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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