Old men and throwing up are my life now.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
