Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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