He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
