I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
