I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
