Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
