Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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