I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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