I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
