Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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