We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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