At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
