Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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