playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
