Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
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A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize