how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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