shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
