don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
