I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
