Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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