you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
