Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
