Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
