I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
