i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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