his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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