I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
