i think my tv is drunk
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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