I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
