Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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