the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
