glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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