Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
