Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
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Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
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i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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