awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
