hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
