there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
