i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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