9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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