Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
