thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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