i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
