her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
