I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
too bad you live with your parents still
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
