I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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