One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
