I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this will be a night to untag.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
