Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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