The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
