i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
