I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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