My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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