sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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