he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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