remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
When are your genitals available?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
