the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
