Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
