I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We talked him into tasing himself.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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