Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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