what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
