I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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