Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
