Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
