I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
