Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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