someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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