i always forget guys have bellybuttons
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
