i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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