I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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