So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
