I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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