You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't think brook has ever known best
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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