Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
