Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Text me some of your sweat
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