Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
