My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
